The Birthdays Girl

My wife loves birthdays, and she’s very good at them.  Fortunately, it doesn’t need to be her birthday for her to get excited.  This past week has been a bonanza for her.  First she had my 60th.  Then she had Farley’s First.  Oh, yeah, there was Thanksgiving in the middle.  This will be a layered slice.

Yup, the big six-oh.  We didn’t go out, of course, and this saved me some embarrassment.  On my big four-oh, Nancy threw me a party at a restaurant.  Wanting to be accurate and extravagant at the same time, she had the restaurant folks bring out a birthday cake with exactly forty candles.  Not a 4 and an O, which would have shown moderation, but 40 actual candles.  A funny thing happened when the birthday boy blew out the candles.  There was a lot of smoke.  Now, I’ve always really liked the smell of newly-extinguished candles, that delicious blend of carbon and paraffin, but in this case, the cloud of smoke was too much for the restaurant’s smoke detectors to take.  They began to blare.  

Fortunately, the restaurant did not have a sprinkler system.  That would have made for a soggy birthday cake.  UNfortunately, they also didn’t have the ability to turn off the smoke alarm.  It was hardwired, loud, and persistent.  Everyone had to evacuate.  

When the three fire trucks and crews arrived to make sure that my cake candles had, in fact, been fully extinguished, the firefighters also determined that the alarm’s shut-off was in the insurance office next door to the restaurant.  Unfortunately, it was after hours for the insurance office, and their doors were locked.  There were a lot of disgruntled restaurant patrons on the sidewalk.  They glared at me, disgusted by my advanced age.  

But that was Y2K.  This is 2020. The global pandemic meant I would not be clearing any restaurants this year.  Nancy was undaunted, however.  She could not bear a party-less birthday.  She procured the requisite gigantic mylar balloons, prepared a birthday brunch (see artist’s rendering below),  presented several amazing gifts, and this was all BEFORE the birthday dinner. She baked an extravagant chocolate-on-chocolate birthday cake, which she wisely adorned with two simple and safe candles.  Ahh the feng shui of the placeholder digit.  After dinner, right on schedule, our Portal chimed and virtual guests began to arrive.  We crammed as many family members as we could safely fit into one Zoom call.  It was fabulous for everyone…except our dog Farley.  

Frittata for Brunch

It had been a rough day for the pampered pooch.  I don’t think it was just that it was the first time in his entire life that he had to share the spotlight.  No, he’s not like that.  First, he had been mightily spooked by the arrival of the terrifying balloons.  Normally unflappable, Farley had cowered in the living room, refusing to enter the dining room, even when a bonanza of beg-worthy birthday bounty beckoned.  Nope.  Don’t care how good the food is. Not goin’ near the floating monsters.

It turned out he was not just spooked, he was also sick.  Because it’s 2020, we really couldn’t call it an event without a health issue, so Nancy and Sarah ended up taking Farley on his first visit to the Emergency vet (our dogs have historically preferred to get sick on weekends and holidays). The doctor informed them that Farley had scored the Daily Double, both a bacterial infection and a parasite.  Yay!  This might have had some causal connection with Farley’s affinity for what one of my old students referred to as “yard meatballs.”  Yeah, it turns out they’re not good for you.

Anyway, Farley didn’t enjoy my birthday, but everyone else did, and just one week of chicken and rice later, it was his turn.  Farley, the pandemic pup, turned the big Oh-One, and Nancy, the birthday girl, went back to work.  She had, of course, noted each of Farley’s month birthdays with a treat, an “I’m ___months-old” sign and a photo op, but this was bigger.  She ordered a tiny cone-shaped hat with a slim elastic tie, a handsome “It’s My Birthday” scarf, and several indestructible chew toys that he promptly destroyed.  

My contribution?  I removed the evil balloons from the dining room.  Oh, and I didn’t eat anything I found in the yard. 

We paraded the birthday boy around the neighborhood, where most of the neighbors now know Farley’s name but have no idea who we are.  That’s a pandemic phenomenon in our parts.  We know Quinn, Barkley, Rosie, Freddi, and Lucy, but we have no idea of the names of the humans at the other end of the leash.  It goes both ways. To many of our neighbors, we are merely Farley’s parents, or quite possibly Farley’s weird parents.  

Never before have we had a dog who enjoys dressing up.  Farley actually likes wearing clothes and accessories.  He wore his bow tie to Thanksgiving, and then on his birthday, he gladly sported the party hat and scarf.  Nancy was mightily pleased.  She could stand giving up balloons as long as she could keep acquiring new outfits for the boy.  When we returned from our second walk, she got to work on his birthday dinner.  No kibble tonight. Heck, no chicken and rice.   Instead, a turkey meatloaf cupcake with orange mashed potato icing.  Hold the candles.

This may not have been the best dining option for a dog who recently recovered from digestive issues, but hey, you’re only one once.  

As Farley sprawled on the couch, head in Nancy’s lap, gnawing the remains of his indestructible toy and perfuming the air with his contented flatulence, I sat squeezed between that “other end” and the armrest. He sighed.  I sighed.  And, for a brief moment, our eyes met .  In that tiny space of time, I’m quite sure we shared the same unspoken thought: “Yup, she’s my girl, she loves me, and she loves her a birthday bash.”

10 thoughts on “The Birthdays Girl

  1. So many things here. First of all, happy birthday to you and Farley. I love that he likes to wear clothes. That will be a great detail for his picture book. I think he’s the perfect character and you make a good sidekick. But mostly, I love how you begin and end with Nancy. Your appreciation shines as much as her love for you, Farley, and birthdays.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy birthday! What a great slice. Love the contrast between 2000 and 2020. Birthdays have complications regardless of the circumstances.

    You should mine some of your posts for the humor you weave in or get someone else to do it for you. There are craft moves that you use that could teach others a lot about how to be funny in their writing. The parentheses, the phrasing, the sentence variation, the alliteration, the noticing of the details (Love the smell of birthday candles…)

    And I hope you share this post with Nancy!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This sounds like a truly special birthday celebration. A definite contrast from what happened in 2000. Glad you didn’t have the fire department this time. (I tend to go for the digit candles, but we’re going to do ten individual ones when my daughter hits double digits next month.)

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Happy Birthday to you and Farley! Once again, I thoroughly appreciated your dry humor and turn of phrase. I agree with Melanie that your posts could serve as wonderful mentor texts–not just for how you weave in humor, but also for your structure. Love that ending! PS Your recollection of causing the evacuation of the restaurant reminded me of the time my husband burnt popcorn in the hospital microwave shortly after the birth of our daughter. Oops.

    Liked by 1 person

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