Reverse Real Estate Walk, Southport, CT
Southport, CT, USA
Walk Not Up to Sniff – 11/13/22
Have to say this walk did not meet my expectations today. First, my escorts were late getting started, by like TWO hours. I don’t think I need to remind anyone that that’s half a day in dog years. It’s not that I’m impatient, mind you. In fact, I’m generally described as “very chill.” The problem with the absurdly late start is this: One hallmark of the Reverse Real Estate Walk is that the route takes us past two large churches. I’m not particularly spiritual, but when the walk commences in a timely manner, which today’s did not, I am able to lift the spirits of many of the parishioners as they enter or exit the places of worship. I know this, because most of them stop in their tracks, smile at me and say something like, “Well, isn’t he a handsome fellow?” or “What a beautiful dog!” These expressions of admiration are always accompanied by a smile. I am a spirit lifter. Today, we missed both services at both churches, entirely. In fact, we went the entire four-mile route without a single “Beautiful dog!” comment. Unacceptable.
Unfortunately, that is not my only complaint. In spite of the fact that my escorts were late commencing the walk, they acted as though I was holding them up. Can you say, hypocritical? Naturally, I used the occasion of the walk to mark my vast territory. Anyone (and presumably that includes a pair of certified dog escorts) knows that the main purpose of a walk is to establish the boundaries of one’s kingdom. I take this task seriously, but for some reason, the lady escort felt that my marking was holding her up. She even yanked on the leash that I use to keep her from wandering off. I was having one of my more productive walks, making up for the lost time, and for some reason, she appeared annoyed.
But there’s more. Another pleasant perk of this and other local rambles is the opportunity to sample local delicacies. I enjoy a stray pizza slice or a tasty candy wrapper (who wouldn’t?), but I particularly enjoy a ripe and crunchy acorn. Nature’s biscuits, I like to call them. Today, however, the acorns were apparently off limits. I had not been informed that they were a protected species, and I did not appreciate having my jaws so brutishly pried open.
Finally, one highlight (usually) of an autumn real estate walk is the abundance of leaf piles along the roads. I take great pleasure in prancing through these piles. I enjoy the swishing and crunching sounds, and the feel of the feathery leaves as they brush against my legs. Usually. Not on this particular walk, though. Today, the leaves were neither light nor airy. On the contrary, they were soggy and clumpy. They chilled my legs, which slowed from a prance to a slog. It was not only disappointing. It was, frankly demoralizing.
Over the years, I have generally been pleased with the service of Catering2Canines and with their travel packages. After today’s disappointments I am seriously considering a new service.
Catering2Canines, a full-service dog-spoiling company
We here at Catering2Canines are very sorry that your Real Estate Walk was less than satisfying today. As you know, we strive to give our clients the most pleasant experience possible. While we understand your disappointment, we do wish to point out a few details that you might take into consideration before looking for a new service provider.
To your first point, the frustrating delay, we should point out that it was pouring rain until just prior to that delayed departure. Perhaps you hadn’t noticed the cats and dogs falling from the sky. We realize that you do have your own Catering2Canines bright yellow rain slicker, but we have found that walking four miles in torrential rain can also be a less-than-pleasurable experience. We are very sorry that this caused you to miss the adoring church crowd. We have also sent our apologies to both church congregations.
As for the impatience of the “lady,” we have checked into that situation as well. The “lady” has informed us that you did successfully mark no less than 163 different spots on the route. She wonders how many more boundary points were needed to establish your dominion. As an aside, she noted that you made three other substantial deposits (of a different form) along the route, each of which she dealt with in a painstaking and “patient” manner.
In regard to the acorn situation, the escorts have informed me that the extraction was performed in accordance with your own medical requirements. On your personal waiver form, we noted that your veterinarian had diagnosed you with “sensitive tummy syndrome,” a condition that has led to frequent, severe, and negative consequences for both the carpeting at your home and the bank accounts of your caretakers. It seems that the acorn prohibition was both considerate and prudent.
Finally, as to the soggy and demoralizing leaf piles, we refer you to item one (above). Studies have shown that steady rainfall has been known to dampen a leaf pile, causing the leaves in said piles to become significantly less crunchy and fluffy. At present, we have little control over this natural phenomenon.
With these explanations in mind, we hope that you will give us another chance to serve your needs in the future.
Note: Despite Farley365’s assertions and sprinklings of dominion, it should be pointed out that The Reverse Real Estate Walk follows a route originally charted by humans (specifically, the “lady”) for the purpose of ogling at the homes and yards of wealthy humans. The fact that many canines now regularly water and otherwise decorate the lawns of those wealthy humans is, well, a bonus.